Are You Here With Me?

The Committed Parent

Our children’s brains (and often our own as well!) are continually asking this basic question, whether we’re aware of it or not. This question – Are you here with me? – takes many forms in children’s brains: Do I matter enough that you’ll put me first when I need you to – ahead of your job, ahead of your friends, even sometimes ahead of yourself? Can I count on you to attend to me in the ways I need you to, in ways that calm me and make me feel safe? Do I truly and deeply matter to you? These questions are being asked – nonverbally through behavior often – and when they get answered “Yes,” our children can relax and begin to feel safe, just as we are often able to do in our own intimate and business relationships when there’s high resonance.

The self-preservation structures of the brain…

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